He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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