yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
