i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
