Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
