I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
