capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
