I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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