First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
