apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
