You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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