Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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