We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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