I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
