these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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