check it out our google latitudes are spooning
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
