This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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