I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize