I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
