dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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