the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
