I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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