she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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