I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
