I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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