Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He better not be in your backpack
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
