you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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