If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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