She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
