Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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