I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
