you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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