i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
