Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
