it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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