Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
