I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
