Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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