she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
