Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
