i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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