it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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