Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
