it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
