I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
