I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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