You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
