We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
