Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
