Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize