Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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