If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize