Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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