Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize