Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
