im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
