Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
