spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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