I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
