Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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