he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
