im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
