i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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