you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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