Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize