I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
