I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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