I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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