i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
