i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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