yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
