I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
