the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
there is glitter all over my balls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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