Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
