Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
