I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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