C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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